Labour promises an 'A-list' conference act, Pandora

The Conservatives are to offer more energetic party members the opportunity to rave on to early Nineties club sensation Angie Brown (last year's star, Tony Hadley, was, we're told, "too busy with Spandau Ballet" to make a second appearance), while the Lib Dems decided not to book anyone but what of Labour's plans for their league entertainment?
Party representatives insist that they have lined up an "A-list" act to accompany Gordon Brown's keynote speech at the official conference dinner, though they are playing their cards inquisitively close to their chests as to the chosen star's identity.
Eddie Izzard, one of the party's few remaining big name cheerleaders, insists he won't be convinced to take to the stage, though he plans to attend. Billy Bragg, on the other hand usually a regular face around the party's annual love-in – turned out last night at a fringe Lib Dem event to discuss the role of the arts in prison.
As for the rest of the party's cast of celebrity supporters, the signs aren't promising. Beverley Knight and Geri Halliwell have both issued stern denials of any involvement which leaves... Mick Hucknall? Tragically, he didn't return Pandora's call.

the unkindest cut of all and now

WITH the benefit of 20:20 hindsight, I can pinpoint the exact moment today when things went phut.
Due to a looming manuscript deadline and a neighbour with a vast collection of Bob Marley routinely played at Stadium Australia volume, I currently decided to ditch my London existence for a weekend away. In a quest for a geography that would invigorate me I headed ''up north''. Specifically to that part of England where the road signs stop listing town names and simply say "the north" and "the south"; where people say hello to you on the streets, and where articles in sentences are optional. This, however, is not the aforementioned moment.
After discovering that my four star hotel didn't have WiFi, my plans of writing all weekend took a slight detour. However, in an uncharacteristic glass-half-full moment, I decided to use the time fruitfully and so booked in to get my hair done at a local salon.
Upon comer at said salon a slight young thing, with hair that would not have been out of place on a member of Spandau Ballet, sat me down and started asking me the standard questions.
We agreed on what I wanted. Or so I thought. This, still, is not the moment.
She went off to mix the colours and I settled in to read a five-year-old copy of a magazine providing useful tips on decoupage and baking.
She came back and we began the small talk challenge, where she asked questions to which she had no interest in hearing the answers and I provided answers in the hope of shutting down the conversation.
About half way into the challenge, accordingly with my head half covered in aluminium foil, she mentioned that until two weeks ago her hair had been waist long. Given it was now cut in an homage to the New Romantics, this piqued my interest. ''Really?'' I say. ''Did you get it done here?''
She laughed out loud and said ''No!'' with such force that the foil strips tinkled in the breeze.
Faced with the prospect of asking her to stop half way through, I reasoned that clearly she didn't do her own hair so she was probably the talented one and I would be fine.
And that, dear reader, is the moment when, instead of getting a selection of autumnal low lights and a trim, I ended up looking like David Bowie as the Goblin King in Labyrinth.

Donation band top 80s, the Breakfast Club, will perform in Cirencester

RELIVE old memories on the dancefloor at a disco night in Cirencester in aid of charity.
Top 80s donation band, The Breakfast Club, will be covering all the favourites of Duran Duran, David Bowie, Spandau Ballet, Roxy Music on Saturday, September 12 at the Royal Agricultural College.
Arranger Greg Power has also organised for Cardiff DJ James Vivet to help keep people on the dancefloor with his extensive cover of old classics.
He said: "My nights are based around giving a night out for the people who want it most, that is the 30 to 35 year olds and over."
All the proceeds from the night will go to Cancer Research UK and the plan is to upgrade a total of £5,000.
Mr Power, who helped upgrade over £20,000 for the Tsunami appeal at a disco night in the Corn Hall, said: "If past events are anything to go by the evening will be top compartment.
"It is nice to do something like this, it has the feel good factor."
There will be a bus service running from the Market Place in Cirencester to the RAC.
The 54 seater bus will pick party leaver up from the Market Place between 9.30pm and 10.30pm and will drop people back to town between 1.30am and 2.30am.
Tickets are £10 and are only available from the Porters Lodge at the RAC.
For more information call Sammy on 01285 653880.
If you are helpless to make this event you can always make a donation to Cancer Research UK by visiting www.justgiving.com/gregpower/